It is ok to be human!

I was about 15 years old when I was studying high school, I remember it was a summer day, then our philosophy teacher asked us "Boys, what is the biggest fear you face now?" many of my classmates responded, fear of heights, of insects, however, I responded "fear of failure", at that time I was a student of good grades, I had always been someone who had tried hard to get the best results, to which My teacher told me "That is inevitable and you must get used to it", at that time I did not understand what he meant.

Years later while studying at the university, I understood what my teacher had told me at that time, I had never failed an exam before, I remember taking an exam in the subject of Physics, which to my surprise I did not pass when I received my results, The world came to me, I still remember being depressed for weeks, I couldn't believe I hadn't approved.

Nobody prepared me for failure, all my life had been relatively easy for me, that day I learned that you don't always win, you don't always pass an exam. And that's fine, that's what makes us human, having the ability to accept and know that life is a set of positive and negative events.

Today, it seems that we are so used to trying to eliminate all the negative, society sells us the idea that the only feelings we should feel are the positive ones, these include love, euphoria, gratitude, satisfaction, etc., but What happens with the other extreme, what we should do with anger, anger, sadness, melancholy, after all these ways of feeling, is what makes us human too.

Tal Ben-Shahar in his book "Being Happy: You don´t have to be perfect to lead a richer, happier life" tells us that there are two types of people, perfectionists and optimalists, basically the perfectionist believes that a happy life consists of an incessant stream of positive emotions, and as it aspires to be happy, rejects negative or unpleasant emotions. On the contrary, the optimalists accept negative emotions as an inevitable part of existence, accommodates sadness and pain, letting those feelings intensify his life experience.

And it is true that we all want to be happy, or at least we all pretend to be happy, we rarely show our unhappiness abroad, we see every day on our social networks how we are bombarded by posts of our friends with photos of their vacations, of celebrations and everything seems perfect, rarely does anyone show the other side of the coin, and we have been taught to put on masks to pretend our true face, every time you ask someone, how are you? the question by default it is "Good" and what if we are more sincere and we give ourselves permission to say "A little sad" "something worried", that is not bad, when we accept our emotions and give them the value they should have, We are making room for that emotion to be recognized and disappear more quickly.

In “Brave new world”, Aldous Huxley describes the future in which pain is eliminated through a drug called soma, his book is science fiction however it also happens in our reality nowadays. The pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain is something natural In the West, we reject suffering since we perceive it as an impediment to happiness, in other cultures such as Eastern one, it is recognized since they understand that it is the only way to improve as a person, although negative emotions are not something we should look for. It is an inevitable part of our life; it reminds us of our limitations and we must have the humility to accept them.

Respecting reality implies accepting things as they are, our potential, limitations and our humanity, if we recognize that suffering is essential in our life and that it also brings some benefits, such as the cultivation of wisdom and compassion, we will admit it more easily. - Tal Ben Shahar.

Date permiso de ser humano

Tenía alrededor de 15 años cuando estudiaba la preparatoria, recuerdo que era un día de verano,en ese entonces nuestro maestro de filosofía nos preguntó "Muchachos, ¿cuál es el mayor miedo que enfrentan ahora?" muchos de mis compañeros respondieron, miedo a las alturas, a los insectos, sin embargo yo respondí miedo al fracaso, en ese entonces era un alumno de buenas calificaciones, siempre había sido alguien que se había esforzado para obtener los mejores resultados, a lo cual mi profesor me dijo " Eso es inevitable y debes acostumbrarte", en ese entonces no entendí lo que él me quiso decir. 

Años después mientras estudiaba la universidad, entendí de lo que en ese entonces me había dicho mi maestro, nunca antes había reprobado un examen, recuerdo tomar un examen de la materia de Física, que para mi sorpresa no aprobé, cuando recibí mis resultados, el mundo se me vino encima, todavía recuerdo estar deprimido por semanas, no podía creer que no hubiera aprobado.

Y es que nadie me preparo para el fracaso, toda mi vida había sido relativamente fácil para mí, ese día aprendí que no siempre se gana, no siempre se aprueba un examen. Y eso está bien, eso es lo que nos hace humanos, tener la capacidad de aceptar y saber que la vida es un conjunto de eventos positivos y negativos. 

Hoy en día, parece ser que estamos tan acostumbrados a tratar de eliminar todo lo negativo, y es que nos venden la idea que los únicos sentimientos que debemos sentir son los positivos, estos incluyen el amor, euforia, gratitud, satisfacción etc., pero que sucede con el otro extremo, que debemos hacer con la ira, el enojo, la tristeza, la melancolía, al fin y al cabo estas formas de sentir es lo que nos hace humanos también.

Tal Ben-Shahar en su libro "Felicidad, solo serás feliz cuando dejes de perseguir la perfección", nos dice que hay dos tipos de personas, los perfeccionistas y los optimalistas, básicamente el perfeccionista cree que una vida feliz consiste en una corriente incesante de emociones positivas, y como aspira a ser feliz, rechaza las emociones negativas o desagradables. por el contrario, el optimalista acepta las emociones negativas como parte inevitable de la existencia, da cabida a la tristeza y al dolor, dejando que esos sentimientos intensifiquen su experiencia de la vida.

Y es que es verdad que todos queremos ser felices, o de otra forma todos pretendemos ser felices, rara vez mostramos al exterior nuestra infelicidad, vemos todos los días en nuestras redes sociales como somos bombardeados por publicaciones de nuestros amigos con fotos de sus vacaciones, de celebraciones, y todo parece perfecto, rara vez alguien muestra el otro lado de la moneda, y es que se nos ha enseñado a ponernos mascaras para aparentar nuestro verdadero rostro, cada vez que preguntas a alguien ¿cómo te ha ido?, la pregunta por default es "Bien" y que tal si somos más sinceros y nos damos el permiso de decir "Un poco triste" " algo preocupado", eso no tiene nada de malo, cuando aceptamos nuestras emociones y les damos el valor que deben tener, estamos dando cabida a que esa emoción sea reconocida y desaparezca más rápidamente.

En un mundo feliz, Aldous Huxley describe el futuro en el que el dolor es eliminado a través de una droga llamada soma, su libro es ciencia ficción sin embargo también pasa en nuestra realidad y es que la búsqueda del placer y la evasión del dolor es algo natural. En occidente rechazamos el sufrimiento ya que lo percibimos como un impedimento hacia la felicidad, en otras culturas como la oriental este se reconoce ya que ellos entienden que es la única forma de mejorar como persona, si bien las emociones negativas no es algo que debemos buscar es parte inevitable de nuestra vida, nos recuerda nuestras limitaciones y debemos tener la humildad de aceptarlas.

Respetar profundamente la realidad implica aceptar las cosas tal como son, nuestro potencial, limitaciones y nuestra humanidad, si reconocemos que el sufrimiento es esencial en nuestra vida y que también aporta algunos beneficios, como el cultivo de la sabiduría y la compasión, lo admitiremos más fácilmente. - Tal Ben Shahar.

El Valor de la gratitud

¿Alguna vez te has preguntado cuántos días te quedan en la Tierra?

El humano promedio pasa aproximadamente 79 años o 28,835 días en la Tierra. Entonces, hay un promedio de 692,040 horas en la vida. En el momento en que escribo esto, tengo 12,222 días, eso es 33 años y 169 días, incluidos 8 días bisiestos. En otras palabras, me quedan 16,613 días o 2,373.28 semanas. (Puede hacer el tuyo en el siguiente enlace: http://jalu.ch/coding/days/en), y sin embargo, me pregunto qué he hecho en mi vida y cuánto de eso ha sido productivo o al menos beneficioso para mí u otras personas.

Su Santidad el Dalai Lama en su libro El arte de la felicidad menciona que el verdadero propósito de nuestra vida es buscar la felicidad. No importa si uno cree en una religión o no, todos estamos buscando algo mejor en la vida. Por otro lado, el concepto de alcanzar la verdadera felicidad siempre ha parecido inescrutable. Incluso la palabra "feliz" se deriva de la palabra islandesa happ, que significa suerte u oportunidad.

El valor de la gratitud juega un papel importante en nuestra búsqueda de la felicidad, en otras palabras, no tener lo que queremos sino más bien querer y apreciar lo que tenemos.

Del mismo modo, todos sabemos que un día dejaremos este mundo, aun así damos muchas cosas por sentado. Nos levantamos por la mañana sin pensarlo dos veces por el hecho de que estamos vivos. Desayunamos y hacemos malabares con nuestras citas con nuestros seres queridos rara vez sin siquiera darnos cuenta de lo increíble que es hacer todas estas cosas a la vez, sin apreciar a las buenas personas que nos rodean, sin saber lo maravilloso que es tener comida en el estómago y un techo sobre nuestras cabezas.

Aprendí el valor de la gratitud cuando me mudé a Todos Santos, desde el primer momento en que llegué aquí, todos fueron muy amigables y nunca me sentí solo, aún así, no puedo negar cuánto extrañé a mi familia (padres, hermana e hija), amigos, incluso la comida. Esto es cuando realmente valoras a las buenas personas y las cosas que te rodean.

Hay muchas oportunidades para ser felices a nuestro alrededor, el único problema es que nos quejamos más de lo que apreciamos la vida, cuántas veces nos quejamos de pequeñas cosas, nos levantamos por la mañana y miramos al cielo y porque hace demasiado sol, decimos Uff! hará demasiado calor, entonces cuando está nublado, nos quejamos porque no hace sol, nunca estamos contentos con lo que tenemos.

Recientemente, estaba reflexionando sobre la cantidad de oportunidades que perdemos a veces, un ejemplo muy bueno ocurrió hace unas semanas, se ofreció un curso gratuito a la comunidad local en el lugar donde trabajo. Al principio, muchas personas estaban muy interesadas, pero luego, cuando comenzó el curso, algunas personas no asistieron. Tengo que ser muy honesto, me sentí muy decepcionado ya que esto había sido mucho trabajo y básicamente sin costo para los estudiantes. Esto es cuando digo "Nunca dar las cosas por sentado". A veces pensamos que porque algo es gratis, no es significativo, por lo que no tengo que comprometerme.

Hay oportunidades, la felicidad está en todas partes, asume la responsabilidad de lo que es más importante para ti, haz lo que amas y ama lo que haces y evita las cosas que no necesitas en tu vida.

Ahora el secreto de mi propia felicidad, mi propio buen futuro está en mis propias manos. No debo perder esa oportunidad.

Olaf Morales - 2019

The Value of Gratitude

Have you ever wondered how many days you have left on Earth? 

The average human spends roughly 79 years or 28,835 days on Earth. So, there is an average of 692,040 hours in a lifetime. At the moment I am writing this, I am 12,222 days old, That's 33 years and 169 days, including 8 leap days. In other words, I have 16,613 days or 2,373.28 weeks left. ( You can do yours on the following link: http://jalu.ch/coding/days/en ), and yet I wonder what I have done in my life and how much of that has been productive or at least beneficial to me or others.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama in his book The Art of Happiness mentions that the very purpose of our life is to seek Happiness. whether one believes in a religion or not, we are all seeking something better in life. on the other hand, the concept of achieving true happiness has always seemed elusive, ungraspable. even the word "Happy" is derived from the Icelandic word happ, meaning luck or chance.

The value of gratitude plays an important role in our pursuit of happiness, in other words not to have what we want but rather to want and appreciate what we have. 

Likewise, we all know we are going to leave this world one day, we take many things for granted. We wake up in the morning without a second thought for the fact that we are alive. We eat our breakfast and juggle our appointments with our loved ones rarely without even noticing how amazing it is to do all these things at once, without appreciating the good people around us, without knowing how wonderful it is even to have food in our stomach and a roof over our heads.

I learned the value of gratitude when I moved to Todos Santos, since the very first moment I arrived here, people were very friendly and I never felt alone, still, I cannot deny how much I missed my family (parents, sister, and daughter), friends even the food. This is when you truly value the good people and things around you.

There are a lot of opportunities to be happy around us, the only problem is that we complain more than we appreciate life, how many times we complain about little things, we wake up in the morning and look at the sky and because it is too sunny, we say Uff! it will be too hot, then when it is cloudy, we complain because it is not sunny, we are never happy with what we have.

Just recently, I was reflecting on the number of opportunities we lose sometimes, a very good example just happened a few weeks ago, a Free Course was offered to the local community at the place where I work. At first, many people were very interested, but then when the course started some people did not attend. I have to be very honest, I felt very upset since this had been a lot of work and basically at no cost for students. this is when I say "Never take things for granted". We sometimes think because something is free, it is not significant, so I do not have to commit.

Opportunities are out there, Happiness is everywhere, take full responsibility to what is more important for you, do what you love and love what you do and avoid things you don't need in your life.

Now the secret to my own happiness, my own good future is withing my own hands. I must not miss that opportunity.

5L Principles of Leadership

LIVE, LOVE, LEAD, LEARN, LEAVE A LEGACY

Today we hear the term “leader” in the media, something we must learn and become, a leader in your organization, leader within your family, leader in your community, but what does being a leader mean? let's first talk about its origin, the word "leader" finds its origin in the particle "lid", originally meaning in the Latin language: dispute, complaint or process. This meaning places the leader as someone who has an active stance, someone who wants to change some of their immediate surroundings.

That reminds me of a quote I read in a book, "Everyone wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die." The word Leader alone sounds very sexy and tempting. Who does not want to become a leader? It gives us a feeling of power towards others, many times this figure grants authority. However, this also entails certain responsibilities which we must bear in mind. Furthermore, it also puts us in a position of vulnerability since what you do will be seen by the people around you.

To serve as a leader, we must consider certain principles, these are like the rudder on a ship, the guide that will help us not lose our goals towards what we want to achieve. These can change from person to person, my 5 principles are "Live, Love, Lead, Learn, Leave a Legacy ..."

Live: Simply enjoy life, many of us including me care so much about trivial things, we live today in a world where it is more important to post the photo of my vacation on my social networks than to enjoy being on vacation in that wonderful place, I share an interesting fact, a number of studies have found that the longer people are on social networks, the more depressed they become, for the simple fact that I compare your “Perfect” life on Facebook with my real life, and the reality is that we are selective in the things we post, we usually project an image of our lives that is not entirely true.

Camila and I eating "Elotes" in Rancho Nuevo, Chiapas

Love: I share the following words that John Ortberg wrote on his book “I´d like you more If you were more like me”: “Though I tweet like Justin Bieber and have more Facebook friends than the pope; though I get a BA from Cal and an MBA from Stanford; though I invented Snapchat and Uber; though I have great hair and white teeth and low body fat; though I solve global warming, set philanthropic records, and drive a Hummer that runs on compost if I don’t have love, I have nothing ”Or as someone else stated:

Everything - Love = nothing.

Lead: For me, leading means serving others, there are hundreds of ways you can do it, the important thing is to do it from your area of expertise in my opinion. Being a language teacher means guiding through education and motivation, I am not so sure how much I motivate my students though, however, it is very easy as a student to forget why I am here in the classroom, therefore, My job is not only to teach a language but also to motivate them, to remind them from time to time why they started. What does leadership mean to you?

Both English and Spanish Students in a class

Learn: Peter C Brown author of the book "Make It Stick: The Science of Successful Learning" defines it as The acquisition of knowledge and skills, so that they are available in memory and can make sense of problems and future opportunities. It is not possible to move forward if we are not constantly learning, who thinks that finishing a career is having enough knowledge is in a serious problem, how many books do you read per year ?, when you are online, How much of what you read or see is educational? I don't think that seeing a video of a cat that falls off the table helps your personal and professional growth a lot. We should always seek to learn something new every day, only then can we reach our goals or as Leonard Lauder says, "If you don't learn something new every day, it's a lost day."

Yep, Camila toothless

Leave a Legacy: What´s the point of living, if you won´t leave a legacy? and when I refer to this term it does not mean becoming an Albert Einstein. Let's start with something simple like doing it for your loved ones. What is the first thing you do every day before getting up? Surely check your cell phone and see how many notifications you have; I know it is something that many of us share. However, it shouldn't be that way. What is the engine that motivates you every day? In my case, my daughter, she is my biggest reminder of why I do things and more importantly how I perform them. Try to seek excellence in everything you do and if you don't have enough motivation to do it, just think about what you love the most, your children, parents, siblings, spouse. Do it for them, leave them a legacy, something they are proud of when you are no longer here on earth.

Finally, if you have read until this point, I congratulate you, since you belong to the few people who read more than two lines.

Olaf M.

5L Principios de Liderazgo

LIVE, LOVE, LEAD, LEARN, LEAVE A LEGACY

Hoy en día escuchamos en medios de comunicación el termino líder, y que además es algo que debemos aprender y serlo, líder en tu organización, líder con tu familia, líder en tu comunidad, ¿pero realmente que es ser un líder?, hablemos primeramente de su origen, La palabra “líder” encuentra su origen en la partícula “lid”, su significado original en la lengua latina es: disputa, querella o proceso. Este significado coloca al líder como alguien que tiene una postura activa, alguien que quiere cambiar algo de su entorno inmediato.

Eso me recuerda a una frase que leí en un libro, “Todos quieren ir al cielo, pero nadie quiere morir”. La palabra Líder por si sola suena muy sexy y tentadora. ¿Quién no quiere convertirse en líder?, nos brinda un sentimiento de poder hacia los demás, muchas veces esta figura concede autoridad. Sin embargo, esto conlleva también ciertas responsabilidades las cuales debemos tener muy presente además que nos pone en una postura de vulnerabilidad ya que lo que hagas será visto por las personas en tu entorno.

Es por lo que para servir como un líder debemos tomar en cuenta ciertos principios, estos son como el timón en un barco, la guía que te ayudaran a no perder tu objetivo hacia lo que quieres alcanzar. Estos pueden cambiar de persona en persona, los 5 míos son “Live, Love, Lead, Learn, Leave a Legacy...” que traducidos al español son: “Vive, Ama, Guía, Aprende, Deja un Legado...”.

Live (Vive): Simplemente disfruta la vida, muchos de nosotros incluyéndome nos preocupamos tanto de cosas tan triviales, vivimos hoy en día en un mundo donde es más importante publicar la foto de mis vacaciones en mis redes sociales que disfrutar estar de vacaciones en ese maravilloso lugar, les comparto un dato interesante, un número de estudios han encontrado que las personas tienden a deprimirse más, cuanto más tiempo están en redes sociales, por el simple hecho de que comparo tu vida “Perfecta” en Facebook con mi vida real, y es que la realidad nosotros somos selectivos en las cosas que publicamos, usualmente proyectamos una imagen de nuestras vidas que no es del todo cierta.

Camila y Yo comiendo unos elotes en Rancho Nuevo, Chiapas

Love (Ama): Comparto algo que me encanto de John Ortberg, autor del libro I´d like you more If you were more like me: “Aunque pueda tuitear como Justin Bieber, y tener mas amigos en Facebook que el Papa, aunque tenga una licenciatura en California y una maestría en Stanford, aunque haya inventado Uber, aunque tenga un cabello sedoso y dientes blancos y poca grasa corporal, aunque pueda resolver el calentamiento global, y maneje una Hummer que use composta, si no tengo amor no tengo nada” o como lo enuncio alguien más: Todo – Amor = nada.

Lead (Guía): Para mí, guiar significa servir a los demás, hay cientos de formas en como puedes hacerlo, lo importante es hacerlo desde tu área de fortaleza. Al ser maestro de Idiomas yo guio a través de la educación y motivación, no estoy tan seguro de que tanto motivo a mis estudiantes sinceramente, sin embargo, es muy fácil como estudiante olvidar porque estoy aquí en el salón de clases, por lo tanto, mi trabajo no solamente es dar clases de Idiomas, sino también motivar a ese estudiante y recordarle de vez en cuando porque inició y hacia dónde quiere llegar. ¿Qué significa guiar para ti?

Mis estudiantes de Inglés y Español practicando

Learn (Aprender): Peter C Brown autor del libro “Make It Stick: The Science of Successful Learning" lo define como:  La adquisición de conocimientos y habilidades, y para que estén fácilmente disponibles en la memoria para que pueda dar sentido a los problemas y las oportunidades futuras. No es posible avanzar si no estamos en constante aprendizaje, quien piense que el terminar una carrera es tener el conocimiento suficiente esta en un grave error, ¿Cuántos libros lees al año?, cuando estas en línea ¿Qué tanto de lo que lees o ves es educativo? No creo que ver al gato que se cae de la mesa ayude mucho a tu crecimiento personal y profesional. Debemos siempre buscar aprender algo nuevo todos los días, solo así podemos llegar a alcanzar nuestros objetivos o como Leonard Lauder lo enuncia “Si no aprendes algo nuevo todos los días, es un día perdido”.

Si Otra vez Camila, solo sonriendo sin un diente

Leave a Legacy (Dejar un legado): Para que vivir sino vas a dejar un legado, y cuando me refiero a este término no significa convertirte en un Albert Einstein, para poder hacerlo. Empecemos con algo sencillo como hacerlo por tus seres queridos. ¿Qué es lo primero que haces todos los días antes de levantarte de la cama? Seguramente checar tu celular y ver cuantas notificaciones tienes, lo se es algo que muchos compartimos. Sin embargo, no debería ser así, ¿Cuál es el motor que te motiva todos los días? En mi caso mi hija, es mi mas grande recordatorio del porque hago las cosas y más importante como las hago. Trata de buscar la excelencia en todo lo que hagas y si no tienes la suficiente motivación para hacerlo, solo piensa en lo que mas amas, tus hijos, padres, hermanos, espos@. Hazlo por ellos, déjales un legado, algo de lo que ellos se sientan orgullosos cuando tu ya no estés aquí en la tierra.

Finalmente, si has llegado hasta aquí, te felicito, ya que perteneces a una de las pocas personas que lee más de dos líneas.


Olaf M.

The Value of Commitment

There is a concept today called "Strategic Memory Loss",this is when we make a promise as to clean the house, to buy something,to repair a leak and we forget it, but what if someone invites us to a party, a restaurant, or to go on vacation, we will not forget that for sure. This means we do not forget things randomly, we just forget things that are Not important to us.

This is connected to our level of commitment that goes from our spouse, parents, children, friends and even with ourselves. But how can you translate all this? What can we do to improve our commitment?

In 2015, researchers from the University of California at Berkeley announced that they would be part of a project valued at 100 million dollars to discover if there is intelligent life in the universe. They would send small prototypes at 1/5 of the speed of light to Alpha Centauri, just like them, we also send small signals, they are known as emotional ships, only people who are able to recognize and respond to them can cultivate intimate and deep relationships. Those who are blind or non-responsive often end up alone in the dark.

John Gottman calls them "Emotional bids", and we express them from the moment when we are born, when a baby cries is an offer to connect with his mother, when we grow these offers are translated into invitations that can be from questions, gestures, looks or physical contact, each of them translates as "I want to feel connected to you".

Frequently we send these prototypes, although sometimes they are not received or accepted:

They can be small: Did you see the game last night?

Poignant: I think I won't call my dad again.

Deep: I'm not sure my wife loves me

Urgent: I don't have anyone else to talk to, can I talk to you confidentially?

We generally respond to these invitations in three different ways: Accept, Reject and Ignore.

Accept: Some people are very good at accepting invitations, the important thing is to be honest with the person and with yourself, you don't always have to say Yes to everything, but there are ways on how to respond to the connection that the other person is looking for, such as "I cannot today but what about the next Saturday", the important thing is that our response is genuine and that the other person feels that we really care.

Reject: In this case, we respond perhaps with a "Are you Kidding? I´ve got too much to do" This type of response usually closes the doors to a future connection. Responses in the form of rejection causes our relationship with our loved ones to fracture, so every time you respond to a comment or invitation think about the emotional message you want to convey.

Ignore: If we only respond with a simple "No thanks, I don't have time", we are sending a message that we don't really get the real message that translates to "I want to spend time with you", this totally closes the possibility of connection we have with that person, imagine that it is your son, mom, spouse, that person will receive the wrong message and may think that he or she is not important to you.

When invitations are not recognized, relationships tend to die. It is when we see many people sitting at a table watching their cell phones, checking their posts, or attending to their work commitments, without having direct contact with the other person, that is, there are no such emotional bids, giving the message of lack of commitment .

The next time someone gives you an invitation, think about your reaction. Will you realize the real intention of connection? How will you respond to it? Will you get excited? If you establish the right connection, communication will continue, your commitment will be strengthened.